Few days ago I couldn't control........
Everyone have to go through 人老病死.
Sometimes I'll really think the first to go, it feel so much better.
I can't imagine if.... how will I get to live my life.
I clearly know I'm young, how to first go right?!?!
If everyone is the same age, I really don't mind going first.
But, everyone have different age, between each and everyone.
If not where will there be a calling 'Dad, Mum, Grandma, Grandpa, Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunt, Uncle etc'?
Once I nearly lost control of pushing Grandma's but back to her bed as she's quite big size.
She slim down quite a lot, lying on bed, can't really eat any feast.
Even if she is to eat rice, she will need to shit so many times, and it's hard on Mum.
And yet I can't help, I'll make it worst, and the smell is like damn bad.
Everyone's shit smells, even worst when one is on bed shitting, eating and everything do on bed.
I seriously don't wish to see Grandma to go to old folks's home.
BUT, how long can Mum hang on? She has no freedom to go out, lack of sleep.
Whenever she tries to go out, reached home it'll be a mess, its either the urine spilled on the bed or if lucky, nothing happened.
I always thought there might be a huge chance for Grandma to be back like last time.
As what Mum said, it looks like there's not a very big possible.
Still, I hope like last few years, when she was younger, half year lying on the bed and suddenly sit up. The age is a problem, 83 years old, might be hard. I don't know her spine bend in or sth.
Whenever we carried her to wheelchair, she can't even bend forward or push herself forward.
I reckon she's very weak now. I only wish to help her and see her everyday.
Try to spend time with her everyday. Its the least I could do.
Sigh............. CRY? Its of no use. Like what a fuck useless me.
