Felt alert after jogging. I'm loving it.
Heart felt pain again, so didn't jog long.
I wished I could jog more, better with accompany as its the ghost festival's month.
But as long as don't think too much, it'll be alright too.
Idiot, I'm lost in my space music player, wanted to help Suyin put music.
Instead it became mine's music, I want Linda Chung's songs!!
Not boys over flowers songs, so boring.

Sigh.................................. Grandma, Grandma, Grandma.

Now she totally have no energy.
I hope Mum can hold on as long as possible.
I'm trying to take it easy, to let go of Grandma to stay in old folks home.
As she's lying on bed everyday, once a while we carried her to the wheelchair.
I'm very content she can at least sit for around 20 minutes to have dinner with us.
She ate little, at least there's something she ate. At least she was there with us eating.
Once a week, or once a month we carried her to the wheelchair to watch tv etc.
I'm very happy already. Just that Mum is tired, and its hard to take care of her.
Just now luckily there was Aunt June, usually Mum and I can carried her to the wheelchair.
Today she totally no energy, thus we called Aunt June.
Even when I totally tried my best to hold her buttock to the wheelchair. It was difficult.
Nearly sprained sometimes. Lucky didn't.
But sprained my neck for don't know what reason.. Damn.

Life's so so so so so fragile.
Everyone got to experience separating with kin.
So I shall take someone as an example.
Cause he was more hard than I am.
I MUST TRY TO BE STRONG, Like him.
I worship him that he can still be so strong despite everything happened to him.

I realised by wednesday, 26 august.
That we really can't understand human.
Even he/she is your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, sister/brother or your friends etc etc.
You won't understand what they are thinking, even if they are true or not.
Even me myself sometimes don't understand myself.
Like yesterday I was so mad over some small matters!
Soooo... intolerable with myself. Totally bonkers.
Now this time I'm still catching shows, when I can catch some sleep.
SO INSANE RIGHT?! Totally. Plus tomorrow I'm having science test.
And the duration is 1 hour, I intend to study in school before science period.
MUST BE MAD, WHERE GOT TIME!!!
Somebody told me 'your study is not bad you know'.
I told myself to strive for the better, I said 'I try'.
Ha ha, I only got the thoughts, no determination, motivation.
Yet scare of failing so many times, scared of falling down.
What is this man, Ong Jiale!!!!!!!!!

I really got to buck up.
That's what I can tell myself now.
And can't guarantee I will say the same thing, tomorrow.
I'll just............... try. That's the only word I can say, idiot.

Grandma was eating chicken wings few days ago.
I was thinking if in the future me *touchwood* if, lying on the bed.
if I would have the appetite to even eat.
She used to sit down to eat. Lie down to eat, I feel.... really..
I.. lost for words.. sigh.

Lets talk about things which made me happy:)
Some funny conversation between Grandma & I.
Few days ago, I told her:
'Ah po (grandma), you so pretty'.
I wanted to say 'cute' but like no cute for my Grandma's language.
So I just said pretty. As I think its somehow the same la.
Then I asked her 'did anybody say you pretty'?
She replied 'no'.
I asked 'really'?
I asked 'then did anybody say you fierce'?
She replied 'don't know'?
Racy gave me this soft toy.
I showed it to Grandma, as I was very happy.
I asked her 'pretty or not'?
She replied 'pretty than you'! With a cute smile.
I said 'EH!' Smiled back.
She asked 'Boy or girl gave you? Boy right..'? With a cheeky smile.
I replied 'No la, Girl'.
She said 'So expensive, girl meh..'
Surprisingly, she knows its quite expensive.

Last monday.
She suddenly said 'only you and me at home'. Kept smiling.
I laughed 'ha ha ha ha ha'.
She said 'you help me clean urine, later i shit how'.
I replied 'choy choy choy* means touchwood*'
She laughed.
And then.. suddenly spout nonsense, hit her chest and said die again.
I sayang her said 'no no, don't think like that'.
Stopped myself from saying 'I die first' in case she tell Mum.
She pout her mouth to me when she asked me sth and I answered her. Ha ha! So cute.

Grandma think she's poor thing.
Its true but many people is worse off than her, its also true.
*touchwood* Now I'm young, Grandma see me, when I'm old like her, she won't see me.
That's of course, as she's 83 years old now. *touchwood* I might be even worse off when I old.
So its better off if I going to have some illness that makes me can't take care of myself.
I should die than to live. I doubt I'll have any grandson/granddaughter that would give a damn about me?
Ha ha, I think so far away............

Miss the basketball times with no name.
Miss the running about with ex-god kor.
Miss the old good times with ex-best male friend.
Miss the primary school fun times with ex-best friends.
Miss the time with some sisters I was closed with. (i miss this the most)
Miss the happy times with Grandpa. (its not going to go back...) I find it too short, fuckit.

None makes me really cry, except for... obviously.. the last sentence.
All are kicking alive, just that it's impossible to go back to the old good times with all the ex god kor, ex best male friend, ex best friends, sisters who was once closed with. 1 reason: the feelings no longer there, it'll be awkward, not the same anymore... at least we once been together.
thats already very nice.... nothing last forever anyway. anyone will leave anyone sooner or later.
Mum had already take it easy, she have to. I believe Aunts and Uncle too. Life have to goes on.
SOMETIMES I REALLY WONDER WHY CAN'T EVERYBODY DIE AT THE SAME TIME???
Isn't it much blissful? Much happier? I reckon we won't even have any feeling.
Not even happiness or sadness. I guess that will be the best of all.
Everybody die together................................ the same time, second. the same date.

Watched 2 movies recently.
'The proposal' and 'Where got ghost' :)
In my own opinion, 'The proposal' is awesome. I would love to watch it again.
I find myself so fuck stupid today, and felt so much like cursing someone.
Now trying to calm myself. Somebody's fault, I even want to charge her cheaper.
I got a singtel prepaid sim card, not starhub!!! Even me myself forgotten about it and listen to other.
This's the consequences, stupiddd!!! I also forgotten to bring the fully charged battery when I intend to top up straight away after I bought the card.
2 stupid things which totally made me feel like cursing!!! Reached home, found out that the battery I thought was fully charged turned out to be low bat.
What the hell. Idiotic day.

I seriously hate separating with kin.
Actually who doesn't?????????????
I watched the show 'Where got ghost' reminds me of Grandma.
I scared in the future........................ I.. idiotic.
Hey hey, my classmates are nice to inform me things.
I deleted some sentences, HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Few days ago I couldn't control........
Everyone have to go through 人老病死.
Sometimes I'll really think the first to go, it feel so much better.
I can't imagine if.... how will I get to live my life.
I clearly know I'm young, how to first go right?!?!
If everyone is the same age, I really don't mind going first.
But, everyone have different age, between each and everyone.
If not where will there be a calling 'Dad, Mum, Grandma, Grandpa, Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunt, Uncle etc'?
Once I nearly lost control of pushing Grandma's but back to her bed as she's quite big size.
She slim down quite a lot, lying on bed, can't really eat any feast.
Even if she is to eat rice, she will need to shit so many times, and it's hard on Mum.
And yet I can't help, I'll make it worst, and the smell is like damn bad.
Everyone's shit smells, even worst when one is on bed shitting, eating and everything do on bed.
I seriously don't wish to see Grandma to go to old folks's home.
BUT, how long can Mum hang on? She has no freedom to go out, lack of sleep.
Whenever she tries to go out, reached home it'll be a mess, its either the urine spilled on the bed or if lucky, nothing happened.
I always thought there might be a huge chance for Grandma to be back like last time.
As what Mum said, it looks like there's not a very big possible.
Still, I hope like last few years, when she was younger, half year lying on the bed and suddenly sit up. The age is a problem, 83 years old, might be hard. I don't know her spine bend in or sth.
Whenever we carried her to wheelchair, she can't even bend forward or push herself forward.
I reckon she's very weak now. I only wish to help her and see her everyday.
Try to spend time with her everyday. Its the least I could do.
Sigh............. CRY? Its of no use. Like what a fuck useless me.

Photos on 14th august.


Thanks to all who was present.
:)

Photos on 15th august.
I was very happy as Grandma was there to celebrate with me again.
Different this time. Tiring, sweating, running around yet happy.
Had to help Grandma bathe and carry her to the wheelchair together with Mum.
With all sweat in me before I could change into a nicer shirt to take picture and with messy hair.
But everything was worth it.
As long as it give Grandma a smile,
I'm happy than anyone.
:D

Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Today is singapore 44th birthday right?
I missed my timing, should be yesterday. Ha ha ha.
Ate 'lala, stingray and BBQ chicken wings' just now. Suyin treattttttttttttt. :)
But.... FATS! Cannot reduce the temptation.
III kisiao la, I felt so boring so I agreed to go watch fireworks with my classmates and classmates's friends.
In the end, SO crowded over at esplanade that I felt like going home.
Went there just to eat few spoon of nasi goreng and drinks. Must be mad.
SO I went.... not exactly home, tampines, just to drink LARGE ice lemon tea.
After that waited for Sharon and went over to my house area.

Toes hurts like mad. Confirm got blister. Idiot.

Thought everything was going very fine for me.
Yesterday suddenly got scolded by 1 pervert teacher everyone claimed.
Well, I find it SO funny when he got stuck in his words. Lol lol lol! :D
Shit day, wasn't feeling well, so didn't attend school today.
Monday public holiday but tuesday time table change to monday.
Perhaps I'll have a scolding or not.......................................................?
Does school sucks.........................................................? I really don't know.
Many things to blog but PURE lazy. Till here.
Very not use to taking photos so I DO look weird in these photos but who cares anyway.

Just some little thing cheers me up today.
I really loves polite people and I loves to say 'thank you' whenever I buy things.
Surprisingly, a coffee shop auntie said 'thank you' when I bought from her buns.
Not that I'm biased towards coffee shop people, but some of them aren't like that auntie.
That was really nice of her, that sentence really make my day.
Grandma asked me to buy for her bun, at first I felt so reluctant...
As I was lazy, but thinking, I can't let her go on empty stomach either.
Just nice I remembered Sis wanted buy bubble tea, so she accompanied me.
20 minutes reached home. Grandma said it was fast, whereas I think I was slow.
She was happy and I was happy to buy for her food too. She gave me money to buy things eat.
I didn't want at first, there wasn't a need to. But Mum told me to take as its her 'xin yi'.
Well, I took it, Mum said I helped her a lot, so its okay to take.
That few bucks... Why don't just let Grandma recover as soon as possible instead, can't you??? God?

She's now asking for durian. SO late where got sell durian.
Ha ha ha, so adorable. Even though I don't know much Hainanese, but still can speak to her.
Very glad for that already.
She asked me 'What time now'?
I replied '8plus, going to 9'.
She said 'Now my eyes very tired, going to sleep liao'.
I replied 'Okay, you sleep, I watch you sleep'.
She replied 'You watch me sleep how I sleep leh'.
I smiled. She said 'Sue Eng's child siao kai'. (Sue Eng is my mum name)
She also mentioned 'I want take a walk with you, but my leg'.
*shake head*
When I haven't got the chance to reply her anything.
I really love her SO much, please bless her, Grandpa.
I know Grandpa will, without me asking so.

Mum mentioned about me wishing about sacrificing my life, again.
But it's okay, isn't it? I know I'm young, but I'm not scared of sacrificing my life at all.
Still, sorry to let you worry, though you won't read it. ):

Praying for Grandma is all the best I can do and it really makes me feel better by doing that.

Aunt Cindy finally came by my house today and passed Grandma her wallet.
Grandma ignored me for like 1 week or more, I couldn't guess why at first.
Apparently, its because of her wallet. Now the wallet is by her side, she's happy.
Cute isn't she? She kept smiling, nice 'playing' with her, I'm content just with her by my side.
Anyway, I'm quite happy, everything seems to be going my way.
I was demanding for a pen like last year national day's gifts from school.
Yet this year was highlighter, but surprising, it contain a pen inside it too. Wooo, I like!
SO LUCKY I FELT! Shiela was happy too. I like using that kind of pen, like wondaa.
I took 1 more packet, as there were many absentee, ha ha ha, bastard.
Finally brought back my bicycle together, I left it in school like for 2 - 3 weeks.
Riding it home was very tiring, sweat like hell, it was scorching hot T.T
I want a new seat & new air inside the tires for goodness sick.
It took like forever, when's Dad getting me a new seat!!!
Just nice I was thinking of pizza, when I got home I saw a flyer with 44% on it.
I felt lady luck is shining on me today, I don't really need it.
Give it to Grandma, give it to Grandma~~

Grandma said 'Buttock itchy ah'? while I sayang her.
Grandma said 'Go stick with your Mum instead'.
Grandma said 'Call your aunt, I want talked to her'.
I tried calling, to no avail, then I said 'Later I helped you call'.
She so adorable!! She said 'Later you go sleep already'.
I only smiled to her cause I forgotten how to say 'I going bath, will help you call later'.
After I come out from the shower she said 'You smelled so nice'.
And then I smiled, she smiled, and she keep smiling, like damn cute to the core!
I love her to the core la!! :)

Grandma give me the strength to blog even though its late.
For her, I'm willing to sacrifice sleeping time.
Tomorrow blog more about her, he he he.
Besides Mum is nagging about me using computer at this time and there's so much to talk about lovely Grandma.
:D

Name: Wang/Ong Jiale
Age: 20
Nationality: Singaporean
Zodiac: Leo

Grandma & Family is always my top priority.
basketball, badminton, pingpong, softball.
I started to read books after twilight were published.
Hate heavy metal and techno, sucks.
movies, shopping, eating, studying.
soft-hearted. easily influence. friendly if you know me well.
anti-social by the face. talkative and nonsense.
true to friends and easily trust people.
loves to laughs, love to joke.

. Grandma to sit up soon!!
. FIFTH CHINA TRIP!!!!! <3
. Trip to KOREA, HONGKONG, TAIWAN, JAPAN AND NEWYORK
. Roam around the world
. Overseas trip with best buds

. FOLDED WALLET!!
. COLLAR LONG SLEEVE SHIRT!
. LONG SLEEVE DRESS!!!!!