I'm back.It has been few days since I got to touch computer.
The feeling is so great, and it seems like months I've touched my computer.
Whenever I come back to blogger.com, my motive is to rant.
If not, I would go insane if I continue keeping all these to myself.
The 4 walls won't help, talking to friend isn't enough, crying silently isn't enough.
In order not to let Mum know I cried silently as I felt heartaching towards how Dad treats me.
I feel so not worth to myself and so suffering. I hate doing this but I don't want Mum to worry about me.
Dad loves to bully me, yes indeed, now I then realised after hearing what Mum says.
He has nobody to bully, expect me. He loves to play-childish with me too.
Which I now realised, after I tried to talk to him lesser.
I realised he's the one who always start first and I played along with him.
I didn't know he was bullying me by his words. Dumb of me. HE SUCKS.
And because sometimes I get soft-hearted easily, thus I forgotten I should ignored him often and not let him get his way, I played along with him
again.Now I totally know what to do. And, he SHOULD RESPECT ME. Cause I'm not going to respect him elsemore.
I don't regret scolding him 'nabei' already.
I just scolded him all the vulgarities I knew in the afternoon.
I left all the fish bones for him and not let him have the food he want.
I want him to suffer. I want. I won't take jokes or entertain him anymore.
I just, don't want him to have this kind of playing attitude with me anymore. Its enough.
None can take it when their Dad are a stingy, stubborn, irresponsible, untidy, selfish, proud, ignorant, idoit, lazy. And all the negative things you can describe.
Cause so you know, he is that bad. All influences by those idiotic uncles at the coffee shop.
And he is unappreciative. So what for treating him so good? What for buying him presents? What for respecting him? He doesn't worth all these.
But Mum's worth all these, and I'm going to give Mum all these. Only MUM.**
Who's to blame? He, him, himself. Nobody is to blames.
Who asked him go and join their company and spending his money away on beer and gamble?
A drunkard which never change. Crocodile tears, hypocrite!!
Stupid, idiot, nonsense, brainless, nothing better to do.
I can't take such a stupid idiot childish attitude in him anymore.
He've always been skipping my questions, now I repay him back.
I try my best to be strict to him and not respecting him if he do likewise.
But you know, it'll be hard on Mum. Sigh, but I got to do that to make him change or earn his respect.
He must know, I'm not born to be bullied.
He's far too much, this time.
I'm not going to let him get his way anymore.
Anyway, I'm like enemy with my whole family today.
Grandma is back to her usual-self, she starts to nag and nag as she thought I didn't finished my noodle this morning.
A pity I don't know hainanese, thats why I don't have the chance to explain.
Mum and brother told me to ignored her, but how can I?!?!?!?!
I answered to her nicely at first, but I screamed at her after she repeated for a few times.
I told her I've finished it, I have! She said I know. Still, she nagged I didn't finished it. Wth right?
When I'm getting accused wrongly, and I did finished it expect for the soup.
I should have show her the noodle I ate before I threw it away.
Since she is getting better on her health, thats why she've to much to say.
Now, she can eat finish whatever Mum buys for her, thats why she became like that.
I can't say her, she can mah, she usually also threw away food she can't finsh.
But did I nagged? DID I?!?!?! Unreasonable, ridiculous.
I gave in to her, she told me to go away.
Fine. I heck care. I went to sleep.
After that, she talked to me first and show me pig mouth. LOL.
But she was cute, I forgave, and I forget the incident.
Don't wanna hold on to that incident too, just that I would better be careful with my food and let her check next time in case it happens again. Frustrating.
It was all worth it, since she was so happy I didn't ignored her after she made the pig mouth.
I'm really tired and don't wish to remember now and then that Dad got to give me my pocket money.
I early take from him my pocket money also cannot eh, he'll always 'tmr, tmr'.
As I knew he'll drag on, thats why I asked from him earlier.
But he's still like that, so have to let Mum pay this and that again.
And its really unfair, but.. What can I do?
I can't possibly be begging from him money every now and then.
When it's right for him to give me money, as a Dad.
But he doesn't do his part as a Dad.
I really feel so unfair for Mum. Damn him.
God knows it. God knows it.
I'm unsure if I did give all my best during the exams.
But I know and god knows I done my best.
I last minute revise, which I should have started months ago.
But that's ME. I'm always like that, 死心不该。
I only hope for a pass in overall and get promoted to sec 3. Nothing else more.
*** I'm tired. Off dead better.
