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Wednesday, August 6, 2008 @ 5:05 PM

Grandma affects me alots , I ... lost for words . Just moodless .

I'm in no mood to even go out and buy the red polo tee I need on friday anymore .
Grandma kept saying she got cancer , and now she really got it .
I can't control my tears , but it just drop itself .
All these days , Grandma and I relationship has started growing .
I can't afford to lose Grandma too soon , I can't .
Living with her this one year plus , its not enough yet .
人老病死。There's always this saying .
Being old , is terrible . Every illness came to your side . You'll have this problem , that problem .
Even today , menstration cramp caused me feel like dying . The pain's unbearable .
At that point of time , I can't even sleep or sit well , or move around well .
Just feel like dying , then I can't feel anything . How great isn't it .
After I woke up , no pain anymore , but now the pain start to get back .
Thinking of this , I can't imagine when I get old how worst will I get .
When those illness come and find me , I don't even dare to think of it .
But if I die too early , will I be able to see my grandson or granddaugther or so fourth .
When I was half-awake , Mum told me Grandma maybe got cancer .
"I was like" FOR REAL?!?!?!
I asked her , and she said confirm already , perhaps because of the food she ate , which's chicken wing and those fried food plus she drink less water .
If she drink too much , she'll need to go toilet to urine often , she hate .
As she've difficulty in walking plus when she sit down , its kinda difficult for her to get up .
How I pity her , somemore she's fat on the upper body , not just normal fat , but very fat .
(even though she's just 60plus kg , as her body's all loose )
And , her lower body's very skinny . How to balance ?
Too skinny not good , too fat not good . Old ... Sigh .
Gonna go to the hospital and visit her soon , but can I show a brave front of mine and treat it as nothing happen ?
I simply can't do it . I feel so moodless , so damn moodless .
Argh , can god really bless Grandma ?
All've to depends on her, herself . And we , my family and I .
Luckily she don't really know about cancer all this kinda thing , so I think it doesn't do alot of harm to her if she know the news .

Father drove me home from school as my menstration cramp's bad at first .
But when I came home , it got better , after that got worst .
He don't even bothers to take my bag for me , unlike Mum .
Mum takes for me my bag and she took bus come to fetch me that time you know .
Dad got car , he drive . But he sometimes'll leave me alone in school and don't give a damn .
I don't know what to say , and I think I start to blames .
I think he's damn selfish , when Grandma need go hospital , he don't help .
He gave excuses that he's tired and all . When he didn't really do his part in this family .
Why can't he do his little part of sending Grandma to hospital when he've a car ?
Or drive us to hospital every now and then , when he've the time ?
I don't understand , really don't understand .
He said "Why're you visiting Grandma , but not Grandmother last time" ?
Hello , I'm still young that time , I don't know how to think yet .
Plus , that time's sars period .
Thru what I heard Dad said this , I'm very guilty .
But its true that I'm still young , now not very mature , but still can think well for Grandma lah .
Plus Grandpa passed away , and left only Grandma , and Grandma's staying at our house .
Its nature for me to get close with her under this situation .
I only left one grandparent , which's only Grandma .
I can't afford to lose her , I CAN'T .
I only hope she'll be strong , and I believe she'll , for the sake of herself .

I missed Grandpa a lot . But what can I do expect for praying to see him in my dreams ?
I missed the time in china with Grandpa .
I missed the time Grandpa showered me with love and sayang me by touching my head .
I missed the time Grandpa smiled when I made him a card .
I missed the time going to Grandpa's house and having dinner with him .
I regret at that point of time I never cherish him . Hai ...

That bitch'll get retribution , she will .

She's not my relative , she's not . Fucker .
Profile
 photo 4c119563-ea21-4d75-b5a3-df83c8dfa597.jpg
Name: Wang/Ong Jiale
Age: 20
Nationality: Singaporean
Zodiac: Leo

Grandma & Family is always my top priority.
basketball, badminton, pingpong, softball.
I started to read books after twilight were published.
Hate heavy metal and techno, sucks.
movies, shopping, eating, studying.
soft-hearted. easily influence. friendly if you know me well.
anti-social by the face. talkative and nonsense.
true to friends and easily trust people.
loves to laughs, love to joke.


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Wishes
. Grandma to sit up soon!!
. FIFTH CHINA TRIP!!!!! <3
. Trip to KOREA, HONGKONG, TAIWAN, JAPAN AND NEWYORK
. Roam around the world
. Overseas trip with best buds

Wants
. FOLDED WALLET!!
. COLLAR LONG SLEEVE SHIRT!
. LONG SLEEVE DRESS!!!!!

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